Making Amends
I enjoy going to church for lots of different reasons. I have friends there, I like the way I feel when I enter the building, and my resolve to live a meaningful life is strengthened when I attend. One of the biggest reasons why I enjoy it is because it sparks a lot of memories and increases my gratitude for my Savior.
Today, we were discussing repentance and the atonement in Sunday School. A part of that discussion included talking about making amends to someone you have wronged. A strong feeling came over me as I recalled an event that took place in my life 13 years ago right before Christmas.
My Mom was very ill with MS when I was 27 and fortunately we were visiting in Utah when she was admitted into the hospital. It was difficult to to go visit her knowing her condition was declining. I had a two-year old then and I asked my husband to take care of him so I could spend some time alone with my Mom.
When I entered the room she was asleep and looked nothing like what I remembered growing up. However, I still sat down next to her and just watched her. It was such a strange thing to watch my parent peacefully sleep just like I did with my young son. Finally, I could not stand it any longer and I had to grab her hand. It felt exactly the same and that comforted me for the longest time. I thought about all of the bad moments I created between the two of us and of the words I regretted saying as a teenager. I knew that I could have done better at getting to know her and accepting her help but I was stubborn and did not know how much she loved me.
Since having my own son I felt like I finally understood her completely and it pained me to think it took me so long to truly appreciate her. Soon my Mom woke up and I smiled at her and we just started chatting. I had a tremendous urge to apologize to her for all the pain I had caused her. Especially for the arguments that I created and words I said that were hurtful. I knew I had to make amends by telling her that I had changed.
I expected her to recall some of the bad moments and joke about it a bit to make me feel better. She shocked me by simply saying, "Ami, you were the best kid. Always happy, so smart, always good. I don't remember anything else."
In that single moment I felt such relief and freedom from the guilt I had kept locked up inside. It was a precious gift to realize that parents do not hang on to the mistakes their children make. From that moment forward I promised that I would do better at honoring both of my parents and it has made a huge difference in who I am today.
My Mom passed away two months after that hospital visit and I am grateful that I had the courage to finally ask for forgiveness and even more grateful
that I have the rest of my life to make it up to her.
My Mom was very ill with MS when I was 27 and fortunately we were visiting in Utah when she was admitted into the hospital. It was difficult to to go visit her knowing her condition was declining. I had a two-year old then and I asked my husband to take care of him so I could spend some time alone with my Mom.
When I entered the room she was asleep and looked nothing like what I remembered growing up. However, I still sat down next to her and just watched her. It was such a strange thing to watch my parent peacefully sleep just like I did with my young son. Finally, I could not stand it any longer and I had to grab her hand. It felt exactly the same and that comforted me for the longest time. I thought about all of the bad moments I created between the two of us and of the words I regretted saying as a teenager. I knew that I could have done better at getting to know her and accepting her help but I was stubborn and did not know how much she loved me.
Since having my own son I felt like I finally understood her completely and it pained me to think it took me so long to truly appreciate her. Soon my Mom woke up and I smiled at her and we just started chatting. I had a tremendous urge to apologize to her for all the pain I had caused her. Especially for the arguments that I created and words I said that were hurtful. I knew I had to make amends by telling her that I had changed.
I expected her to recall some of the bad moments and joke about it a bit to make me feel better. She shocked me by simply saying, "Ami, you were the best kid. Always happy, so smart, always good. I don't remember anything else."
In that single moment I felt such relief and freedom from the guilt I had kept locked up inside. It was a precious gift to realize that parents do not hang on to the mistakes their children make. From that moment forward I promised that I would do better at honoring both of my parents and it has made a huge difference in who I am today.
My Mom passed away two months after that hospital visit and I am grateful that I had the courage to finally ask for forgiveness and even more grateful
that I have the rest of my life to make it up to her.
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