Bullies

A text from my sister inspired me to write this post.  I have not thought about bullies for a long time and although it is widely discussed at school these days I have put some of my past experiences behind me and moved forward.  Sometimes I even forget about the "bus incidents" I endured as a kid as the pain has dissipated over time.

I admit that I am a sensitive person however, there have a been a few moments in my life when I recognized that someone was purposefully making fun of me to knock me down.  Those moments were hard to live through.  I hated every second and it felt like someone was ripping my self-esteem into shreds with a cheese grater.  Sometimes it was a single word, a look, an action.  And sometimes it was minutes upon minutes of endless teasing and pain.  I was too nice to fight back and I kept my mouth shut and endured the torments.  I think my sister actually cried for me  a few times which helped a lot knowing that I wasn't alone in my pain.  Thank you sister- you are my favorite by the way.

The point in writing about bullies is to widely proclaim that despite those difficult moments, 
I LIVED MY LIFE WITH PRIDE.  

It is true that words can hurt you for years after they are said and it is hard to forget about those experiences.  I learned a big lesson throughout my life about choosing words wisely when talking to and teasing friends.  Sometimes there is a fine line between jesting and going too far and reading someones body language helps you to know when to stop.

I think maybe I was an easy target because I was fairly quiet, smart, seen as the good girl, nice to everyone, and perhaps just enough different to be noticeable.  I was the new kid in school quite a bit and that drew a lot of good and bad attention to myself as well.  I could smile when I was torn up inside and swallow pain rather then yell and tell someone to back off.  Believe me, I have taught my kids differently and unfortunately they have had to use those skills.

Throughout my life I have always been a goal setter and have a drive to accomplish everything and anything I want.  I can't explain this feeling and I know that at some point I made a choice to empower myself by being my best self.  I do all of the things I do because it makes me feel good about who I am and I don't listen to bullies.  It has nothing to do with comparing myself to others or trying to be better than my 5 siblings.  It has everything to do with moving beyond those few bad moments I endured at different ages and forgetting about them.  I am kind of still working on the forgiveness however, that is human nature and I am working on it.

Thank you to all of the nice people in my life who have given me random compliments and said nice words to me.  All of your words have undone the past and helped me be who I am.  I am not ashamed to say  with a loud voice that I AM PROUD of myself.  I worked hard for everything I have or own and it feels good to know that I did not let someone else mold me into a different person.

I dedicate this post to my nephew Cooper who will learn through his own experiences that you are the only one who can create the life you dream of.

Cooper, never let bullies change who you want to become!